Mhmm... I've decided that I might as well start a journal, put down my thoughts for a much needed reflection time. So.

What's on my mind? well, i'm trying to decide whether it'd be a good idea or not to get back together with my ex or not. And yes I know that is generally a bad idea. >>' Wont hear the end of it from some people. But we've been still seeing each other even after we broke up, I guess still dating in some way without really dating. Odd no? But it works. And the feeling is still there, for both of us, at least from what he says. But thus my doubt enters. I'm not entirely certain if he is being honest, but then considering that I'm one of those depressed people who have a hard time getting over it. It doesn't help that my family has massive arguments every night, regardless of the topic. A little hard to have a happy safe place to go to when most places are full of that sort of thing. That among other things has left me having random... mmmm i'll call it my random depressed attacks. Sometimes something sets it off, but other times I get depressed and feel like crying for no reason. I can't explain it. And it frusterates me that I feel that way, and its so difficult for me to feel better myself. Often times I go to my ex for help, you know a hug or a talk or just goofing around to make me smile and believe that there's good reason to keep moving on. But when he's not there...well. thats a whole different kettle of fish. Today happens to be another one of those random no reason depressed attack days. And now I'm sitting here and trying to cheer myself up. -_-' It's bloody hard to do. << So I turn to music and books, and many other things. XD As you can see by my list. ^^ But alas life doesn't always work the way you want. If I had my way I'd be able to fall asleep with the one I love with no worries in life. But all I do is stand alone for now, holding my teddie and hoping for a brighter tomorrow. At the end of the day I guess that's most of us have to do. I only wish I didn't have to be alone. But hopefully that will change soon...

That's about all that I can think about for now. ^^/ So I shall end it here, and hope to talk to you another time.
(-/\-) *bows* Thanks for reading this.